happy gay male couple | how to communicate during sex
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In an intimate or romantic encounter, talking or expressing desire creates some of the sexiest moments. If you can find someone who values pleasure, mutuality, and emotional connection in ways that you do—even if it’s only a one-time thing—then you’re on your way to creating more ideal encounters. Someone who does not pay attention to what you want, or disregards your feelings, is unlikely to be an ideal partner. And when someone says or shows that they’re not up for it (this time or ever), they too are taking care of their own needs and wishes, and we get to respond in ways that honor their choice. Here are some examples of how to communicate in the moment to help ensure your and your partner’s needs and desires are being met so everyone has a good time.

consensual communication infographic | how to communicate during sex

Less that, more this

I need to postpone sexy time

I’m glad you feel able to change your mind

That’s not my thing—but you are

How good is it for you if I…?

No problem—I’m relieved you can say it

We’ll hold off—thanks for taking care of yourself

Would you like to…?

If it doesn’t feel right, say something

Let’s talk about what you’re into

That’s not for me—how about [this]?

What’s the hottest thing you’ve ever tried?

How can I make this even better for you?

Firmer touch? Just right? Gentler?

Sexy snuggles or sleepy snuggles?

Still good with this? Keep going?

“More like this?” “Yes, like that!”

You don’t seem super-keen, so I’ll take that as a no

UW Oshkosh Resources
GET HELP OR FIND OUT MORE

How to talk about what you want: Asking For What You Want

Guide to verbal and nonverbal consent: Scarleteen

Your sexual empowerment (webinars & info): Amy Jo Goddard

What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety: Jaclyn Friedman
Seal Press, 2011



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Have you seen at least one thing on that you will apply to everyday life?
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Article sources

Melanie Boyd, PhD, assistant dean in student affairs; lecturer in women’s, gender, and sexuality studies, Yale University, Connecticut.

Jaclyn Friedman, author, What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl’s Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety (Seal Press, 2011).

Twanna A. Hines, sexuality writer, https://funkybrownchick.com/.

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